Thursday, 10 September 2015

A Little Fast

Raindrops tick on the window
Making this day wander off.
Clear rivers on the sidewalks
Have dragged little precious cobblestones

And we beat on
We're just like little boats against the current,
Hither and yon
We're getting soaked to the skin.

And all we feel is this ardent openness
And all we need is the consent
To do everything we can before it is too late
To do everything we want,
Just not so fast.
Because it feels a little fast

Reflections of this skyline 
bravely spur inhibitions
These clouds seem to be waiting 
for us to dive into the breeze

So we fly off,
We are like coloured moths towards the sunlight
Can we move on 
without the fire burning our scales?

Sunday, 17 May 2015

Born This Way

I love my life because I'm free to be what I am, and one aspect of my whole as a human and my persona is being homosexual.
I'm lucky, because I can be this, say this, live this.
It's not always been like that. I've suffered, hidden, been ashamed. Because people made me think I was a freak, an unnatural being, a mistake, wrong.
It's been a frustrating and hurtful path but I'm able now to be proud of what I am.
And I'm lucky, because I can be this, say this, live this.
But nobody is as lucky.
So please, stop being assholes.
‪#‎IDAHOBiT‬ (17th May is the International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia)

Sunday, 19 April 2015

2 Years

Exactly two years ago I took a plane and moved to London, full of hope and love for my future. I imagined everything would change and I would get everything I wanted just because my residence would change. I would find myself, and a lover, and a deal with a label and millions of fan, and I would produce the best music, and be inspired in every moment, and solve all my issues, and be an adult, and reach some kind of Nirvana I would abide with for ever.
It doesn't work like that.

I'm still looking for completeness, I still haven't found love, I still don't have a deal or a one billion dollar record coming out, my music is evolving, inspiration comes and goes, I solve issues and more arise, and I haven't seen any door leading to Nirvana.

But many things have changed, and I've learnt so much. I'm discovering myself and I'm so proud of having made that choice, and my life is beautiful even though imperfect.

There's a lot to do, the path is long and arduous, but the hope and love for my future are still there. 

Just, I also love my present now. 

Thursday, 1 January 2015

Celebrate, Cherish, Bless, Try, Deserve, Be Yourself, Be Happy

I've been through change and development and sadness and joy and excitement and tiredness and despair and hope and saudade and depletion and inadequacy and abundance this year.
Just like everyone else.
Walked on cobblestones and soil and grass and concrete and bridges and towers. 
Set my feet on mattresses and pedals and altars and staircases and rainwater and planes and trains.

I've been confident and I've doubted in myself.
Just like everyone else.

I've learnt new words, of which my favourite ones are aghast, bereft, dalliance, shoal, forsake, repentance, cease, dregs, poised, sleet, fickle.

I've followed new styles and discovered new parts of the world and of me with them. 
I've completed and made resolutions.

A year in which I've (re)built my foundations.
It's all set now.
A proper list of resolutions is not ready yet, but it's going to be soon.

2014 has left me listening to this, throwing myself into the new year with a continuous line. I don't feel the ridges between the borders of December and January. I'm just the same person I was yesterday. (Or am I not? Are we really the same person we were yesterday? The person who we were yesterday hadn't lived today. We have. So are we still the same person?)
There is no cliff dividing 23.59 from 00.00, so I keep following my wake, impelled by the beautiful things I knew in this segment of time that we divided in 365 days of 24 hours.
And by beautiful I mean each and every thing I have lived.

Including these songs, soundtracking my life in the last months, that I invite you to listen to if you haven't already:

These two books I've read:
Through the Language Glass,  Guy Deutscher, about the alleged different way people think depending on their language (or do they not?);
and Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close, Jonathan Safran Foer, captivating novel about a special kid investigating about his father's secret after his death, just beautiful.

These two movies I've loved:

Hoje Eu Quero Voltar Sozinho,

Kill Your Darlings

And these two poems I've loved, the latter I've just met and it's going to be my motto for this wonderful year that is here and shiny and malleable:

A Fragment, George Gordon Byron

When, to their airy hall, my father’s voice
Shall call my spirit, joyful in their choice;
When, poised upon the gale, my form shall ride,
Or, dark in mist, descend the mountains side;
Oh! may my shade behold no sculptured urns,
To mark the spot where earth to earth returns!
No lengthen’d scroll, no praise-encumber’d stone;
My epitaph shall be my name alone:
If that with honour fail to crown my clay,
Oh! may no other fame my deeds repay!
That, only that, shall single out the spot;
By that remember’d, or with that forgot.

Footnote to Howl, Allen Ginsberg

Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy!
The world is holy! The soul is holy! The skin is holy! The nose is holy! The tongue and cock and hand and asshole holy!
Everything is holy! everybody’s holy! everywhere is holy! everyday is in eternity! Everyman’s an angel!
The bum’s as holy as the seraphim! the madman is holy as you my soul are holy!
The typewriter is holy the poem is holy the voice is holy the hearers are holy the ecstasy is holy!
Holy Peter holy Allen holy Solomon holy Lucien holy Kerouac holy Huncke holy Burroughs holy Cassady holy the unknown buggered and suffering beggars holy the hideous human angels!
Holy my mother in the insane asylum! Holy the cocks of the grandfathers of Kansas!
Holy the groaning saxophone! Holy the bop apocalypse! Holy the jazzbands marijuana hipsters peace peyote pipes & drums!
Holy the solitudes of skyscrapers and pavements! Holy the cafeterias filled with the millions! Holy the mysterious rivers of tears under the streets!
Holy the lone juggernaut! Holy the vast lamb of the middleclass! Holy the crazy shepherds of rebellion! Who digs Los Angeles IS Los Angeles!
Holy New York Holy San Francisco Holy Peoria & Seattle Holy Paris Holy Tangiers Holy Moscow Holy Istanbul!
Holy time in eternity holy eternity in time holy the clocks in space holy the fourth dimension holy the fifth International holy the Angel in Moloch!
Holy the sea holy the desert holy the railroad holy the locomotive holy the visions holy the hallucinations holy the miracles holy the eyeball holy the abyss!
Holy forgiveness! mercy! charity! faith! Holy! Ours! bodies! suffering! magnanimity!
Holy the supernatural extra brilliant intelligent kindness of the soul!

This is to remember and celebrate the ashes of this 2014, a year that gave me a lot but I want more, and to cherish this bliss that time has given me, I bless the holiness that surrounds me, I'm ready to knead this year, and with it I'll be the form I really am. I'll get the best I can from it, trying to deserve it, and you try to do it too.
Happy holy new year my fellows of the world!